The Secret Queen
by griffindork93
Summary: Roald fell in love with Kel, the only girl willing to become a knight. Kel loves Roald, but he's a prince and above her station. Roald and Shinko discover that Shinko is infertile, and approach Kel to ask her to secretly bear King Roald the heir to the kingdom so as to not dismantle the peace between Tortall and the Yamani Islands.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: in honor of my one year anniversary as an author on fanfiction i've decided to update all my in-progress stories and to put up a few new ones. Hopefully, if i ever get writer's block, i can cure it by writing one of seven other stories.**

Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan subtly wiped her tears.

The wedding was beautiful, but its elegance was not the reason for her tears. Nor was it joy or the love shared between bride and groom.

Kel's tears were born of a broken heart, of unrequited love. Jealousy burned in her heart. She feared her Yamani stone mask might crack from the force of her feelings. She desperately wished it was her standing at the altar, vowing to love him forever and be there for him in his time of need and gift him with many sons.

King Jonathan IV of Conte had stepped down, allowing his oldest son to ascend the throne, but only if he married first. Prince Roald agreed, and was now marrying his Yamani fiancée of seven years. So Kel stood, suffering silently, as she watched the man she loved marry one of her closest friends.

She couldn't help but wonder, if she had told him how she felt, would he have picked her? Would he renounce Shinko and her alliance with the Yamani Islands, throw her father's efforts and reputation away and marry her?

Kel mentally shook the traitorous thoughts from herself, reminding herself to be as smooth as stone and calm as water. This marriage was what was best for Tortall. She could not let her feelings ruin this. She could cry later, when there was no one around to witness her disgrace.

The marriage ceremony blended into Roald's coronation ceremony, after which the year's largest celebration was held. Kel was expected to attend, both as a Knight of the Realm and as one of the few people knowledgeable of Yamani language and customs, but also as Roald's and Shinko's friend. She would be expected to dance and drink in merriment, giving the newly crowned King and Queen her congratulations.

So Keladry completed her duty. She took a few turns around the floor with Neal, Owen, Cleon, Dom and her old Knight Master Raoul. She offered their Majesties sincere wishes for a happy marriage. Then she retreated to her room for the night so she could cry alone.

XxxthesecretqueenxxX

Kel fled the palace the morning after the festivities. She spent a year traveling with the Own, always a task that she enjoyed. Working with the Own wasn't easy, and often sent squires running back to the palace to beg placement anywhere else, but Kel loved it. It was fast paced, always moving to the next crisis that needed them. Kel lost herself in weeks of traveling, fighting monsters, rebuilding villages, breaking down camp, and generally not thinking. Simply, she let herself forget and healed her heartbreak.

She only returned to the palace twice; once, for the weeklong Midwinter celebration. Kel usually loved giving and receiving gifts, but now Midwinter only reminded her of stolen kisses for luck in shadowy alcoves and secret gifts passed between her and Roald.

And a second time, during summer, she watched Roald and Shinkokami jump over the embers on Beltane while the city of Corus cried out for a prince of princess. Jumping over the embers was supposed to be a prayer to the gods, asking for fertility and a baby for the new year.

After that, she vowed to never return. Kel travelled, by herself or with the Own, hunting down nasty creatures like Stormwings, Spidrens, centaurs, and the occasional Taurus, that preyed on defenseless people. She did not return to Corus until she was summoned by the King.

XxxthesecretqueenxxX

Keladry was confused. Why in Mithros's name had she been asked to meet in an out of the way empty chamber? In the late hours of the night? There were four bells before the sun rose? What could not wait for Mithros to bless the day? Was her king going to send her on a secret assignment?

The door creaked open and Kel hurried to bow as their Majesties entered.

"Please, Kel. We're friends."

More confused than ever Kel sat in a chair across from the monarchs. Roald's left hand was tightly entwined with the Queen's right. His other hand rested on the table, trembling.

"I have a favor to ask of you, Kel."

"Anything, my liege." She promised at once. There was nothing Kel wouldn't do for the man she loved.

Roald smiled wryly. "You might want to hear us out, first, before making promises you cannot keep."

Kel studied the couple. Both appeared nervous. It worried her. Roald and Shinko were very good at keeping their calm, composed, and pleasant masks in place, despite the less than complimentary circumstances. Roald was fidgeting, something she hadn't seen him do since he was a page. And Shinko, being raised on the Yamani Islands, should have had no trouble hiding the fear, uncertainty, anxiousness, and hope she was feeling, but they all shone clearly in her dark eyes.

Whatever they needed her help with, it was serious. It was obviously causing them trouble, so Kel would do whatever was necessary to find a solution.

"As you know," began Roald, "it's been over a year since our marriage. Both my advisors and the Yamani Islands are clamoring for an heir."

Kel nodded. She knew the frenzy Tortall was in over the marriage and their expectations of a royal baby. The nobles were already jostling amongst themselves to be the one in the best position when the baby was confirmed. The older ladies were pushing for their daughters to have children so that they could tie their family with the royal family in the years to come.

"However, Shinko has yet to be with child." That wasn't too concerning. They had only been married a year. Not every couple could conceive quickly. "Duke Baird tested her. The Queen is infertile."

Kel closed her eyes as her friend burst into tears. That was the worst news any women could be given, the knowledge that the gods had denied her the joy of children. And it was even more so for Shinkokami. She was the Queen, and Tortall's alliance with the Yamani Islands depending on her giving birth to a child of the two countries. The peace treaty her father had negotiated was at risk.

Kel could see why she was asked to meet in the dead of night, but not why Roald had cautioned her against making promises she could not keep. She would set out immediately for Mindelan and talk with her father. Baron Piers had arranged for the Yamani bride. He would understand the severity of the situation and find a solution that would work without disgracing Shinko.

"We need your help, Kel." Shinko's voice shook. "We'd understand if you were to refuse."

"I'll do anything I can to help." She affirmed. Shinko smiled weakly.

"Will you carry my husband's baby? Will you provide Tortall with an heir?"

All feelings left Kel. Numbness settled in her. "Are you asking me to replace you? As Queen? I can't do that!"

Roald quickly assured her that she wasn't expected to marry him. "No. We just need you to lay with him until you are with child." Shinko explained.

"No one must know. Tortall will believe the child to be mine and the Queen's."

Horror filled Kel. She stood up so quickly the chair crashed to the ground. It echoed in the room. How could they ask such a favor of her? Did they know what they were asking her to do? To bear bastard children to the throne? What would happen when the Yamani learned the prince's mother was not the princess they sent overseas, but a simple female knight not even in one of the Books of families, seeing as Mindelan was a young fief her father was awarded with for settling the peace treaty. This would send two nations to war.

"Please, Kel, hear us out." Kel could barely stand to look at the girl she once knew as Cricket. That was before she had learned she was a Yamani princess. How could Shinko sit there, offering to share her husband with another woman?

"Why me?"

"Because Roald loves you." Kel whipped her head up at Shinko's simple answer. The Queen did not seem upset by the fact that her husband loved another woman. In fact, she seemed happy. Roald didn't look ashamed or embarrassed that she had admitted what should have been his deepest, darkest secret.

"Roald loves you, Kel." Shinko repeated. "He has for many years. He agreed to marry me to generate peace between our countries. With time, we have grown to care for each other. I care for him, and he for me, but it is not enough. It is not the same as love. This was my idea. Tortall will have their foreign Queen and Roald will have you."

Kel took deep, steadying breathes, repeating her mantra, _you are stone, _until she could speak without raising her voice.

"Is this the only way? Is this what you truly want?"

The two monarchs nodded. "May I have some time?"

"However long you need."

Kel did not wait for Roald's dismissal. She excused herself and walked quickly back to her room. With the door shut and locked, she fell boneless atop her covers.

Unbidden, all her memories of her and Roald replayed themselves. She had been foolish then, naïve, to think that their secret get togethers meant anything. The moments alone in his room as the pair studied together long after the rest of their group of friend had called it quits. The many kisses they shared, the thrill she felt each time she saw him smile without his princely mask.

How could she agree? This was the King. She had buried her feelings for the last time when she officially lost him to another woman. She was nothing more than his knight, his weapon to call upon. Was she ready to give up her shield for crown and country? She had persevered through Joren's hazing and bullying, taunts of being "The Girl," and attacks on her and her maid. She had only had her shield for three years. Was she ready to put it down?

But how could she not agree. Her heart was jumping at the chance to be with the man she loved with no repercussions, so long as the child's true parentage was never known. She had sworn an oath to serve her King in whatever manner he required, and she had sworn it again when Roald ascended to the throne. Duty compelled her to say yes.

XxxthesecretqueenxxX

Kel took three days to debate over the pros and cons of her decision. When she asked to meet on that third night she had her answer.

"I'll bear an heir for you."

Her firm statement caused Shinkokami to sag in relief and promptly engulf her in a hug. "I promise you won't regret this."

She had decided to go ahead with their plan. But she didn't think it would fool anyone.

And if it did, well, either way, it would be the only child Kel would ever have. Hers and Roald's child would be perfect. Having a baby with him would ruin every other man for her. Kel resigned herself to the fact that for a short time, he would be hers, and that she would always know the truth.

Kel smiled bitterly. "Don't make promises you can't keep."


	2. Chapter 2

Kel hovered in the hall just outside the King's chambers. The flickering torch threw shadows across her face.

The last time she had been in Roald's rooms was shortly after he had earned his shield. She had watched him stumble out of the Chamber of Ordeal. He had looked exhausted and fear shone in his eyes.

He couldn't say what he experienced inside the Chamber. It was forbidden. Many squires and pages said you would be cursed if you did, what it showed you would come true. But Keladry knew she played a part in it, for the first thing the newly knighted prince had done was seek her out.

They had returned to his rooms and the female squire could only wrap him in her embrace and whisper soothing lies, because even if she had known what Roald had seen that frightened him so much, she could not promise that such an event would never happen in the future.

As her knight master Raoul of Goldenlake had said, "When people say a knight's job is all glory, I laugh, and laugh, and laugh."

And it was true. Being a knight was more than a shiny shield and glorious victory on the battlefield. Knights were people of honor and duty. They protected the small, those unable to protect themselves. They raced to the aide of those that cried out for help. They buried villages after mud slides and hunted down immortals like Spidrens and Centaurs.

It was rough dirty work that Kel would never give up. Not after all the work she had put into earning her shield.

Except for Roald. She could still remember the first time he kissed her.

* * *

_Kel had returned to the palace early. She had forgone visiting her parents in Mindelan in favor of traveling with the Own for one summer. Unlike the other seasons, in which they mostly dealt with natural disasters that affected towns and the occasional bandits, the Own spent the entire summer on the move, chasing one immortal after another, one kidnapper after another, and serving as labor for tilling the fields for planting in the fall._

_The tall girl hadn't been happy with her early arrival. _

_It was the summer after the Grand Progress. Yamani Princess Shinkokami had been well received by the people of Tortall, Cleon had broken up with her, and she had realized that her passion for the red headed giant was a great as she thought and that a stronger fire yearned for the Prince's affections._

_Kel had cursed to herself in Yamani when she realized that she was jealous of the girl she had used to play with. How could she have been so stupid as to fall for Roald? He was the crown Prince. He was above her station, out of her league. She would never have a chance with him even before his betrothal._

_She wasn't sure what it was that finally made her acknowledge her affections. Maybe it was all of Cricket's questions, wanting to know everything about the man she would wed one day, questions Kel had all the answers to. His favorite meal, a succulent, tender rib with caramelized vegetables and hash. How many languages he spoke, one but he was learning Yamani and Scanran. What he did to relax, enjoy a fun practice bout with a friend or read history books. Did he have a Gift, yes, he could heal. There were many more, his daily routine, his closest friends, his relationship with his parents, how did he feel about women learning the ways of a knight, how would she describe him. Kel had an answer for every one of them._

_Maybe it was how even after they were both squires they would still meet in his rooms for study nights whenever they were both at the palace. Maybe it was the time he had said he admired her for risking four years of training to save Lalasa, who everyone else viewed as just a servant girl. Maybe it was the one time she had danced in his arms, or how he congratulated her from knocking him off his horse in a joust. Maybe it was because he treated her as both a female and a knight in training. _

_It was a million of little things that seemed so small on their own, but when put together painted a larger picture._

_She, Keladry of Mindelan, was in love with Prince Roald of Conté. _

_So, cognizant of her feelings, and knowing that it would only hurt her down the road to harbor them, Kel had resolved to stay away from her fellow squire as much as possible. _

_She had failed spectacularly. Not even a week into her being back at the palace she had run into the prince. Literally. They had crashed straight into each other and Kel had been sent flying towards the ground from her incoordination after a summer's growth. _

_He had caught her with ease, almost as if she didn't have two inches and twenty pounds on him. _

_For a moment she had been stunned, partly because he had managed not to drop her, but mostly because of his smile. She had not known it at the time, but Roald had been limited to the palace all summer, and away from prying eyes and the well wishes of his people, he and Shinkokami had the time to talk about their betrothal. The princess of the Yamani Islands had softly admitted there was someone she loved back on the islands, but that she could not refuse the emperor. Roald had admitted his own feelings for the only girl willing to become a knight._

_The two royal children had become closing after disclosing their deepest secrets, both relieved that the other was not entering the marriage with hopes of it turning into true love. Shinko had told Roald he could chase Kel's skirts so long as he was discreet. She was not callous enough to deny him the chance to be with the girl he loved because she couldn't have her happy ending. _

_So Roald had been overjoyed to bump into his crush and it showed on his face._

_And seeing his true emotions, not just those he revealed through his princely mask, Kel had been dazzled, had forgotten she was trying to avoid him, and accepted his invitation for a mock spar. _

_Afterwards, he had tucked her short bob behind her ear, drew her left hand up to his mouth, and ghosted his lips over her bruised knuckles. "You look beautiful, Kel."_

_Kel had felt herself redden. She was dressed like a man, in tunic and leggings, which were crumpled and torn, covered from head to toe with black and blue blemishes from jousting practice with Raoul. She didn't even deserve a 'you look good.'_

_And then he had completely stunned her by stealing a quick kiss._

_Kel didn't know how long she had stood there, watching his retreating back until long after he had disappeared from her sight._

_After that day she had known it was futile. She had lost, surrendered herself to emotions she wasn't allowed to feel._

* * *

Roald had started a tradition that day, taking her by surprise with a quick kiss when he caught her alone. She had questioned once, sometime after the eighth kiss, what he was doing kissing her when he was to marry Shinkokami.

Kel foolishly took that to hope that the betrothal would be called off, only to have her heart broken almost a year later when he said he would be going through with it.

She had stormed away from him, itching to slap him for leading her along, for letting her believe she could ever be with him outside the shadowy alcoves of the palace. She had vented her frustration on several tilts at the quintains.

After that day she made sure to never be alone with the prince again.

But, despite the terrible heartache that day had caused her, she could not get rid of her feelings so easily. They weren't like her hair, able to be cut on a whim. Scars of the heart were never dealt with so nicely.

And now all her former feelings for the dark haired man were building up, threatening to burst. And they only compounded her nervousness.

Kel had slept beside a man before, but she had never actually lain with Cleon or Dom. She had no experience in these matters and only knew what was expected of her because of her sisters', Adalia, Oranie, Patricine and Demadria, and her sisters-in-laws' Vorinna and Tilaine detailing their exploits and gossiping over what they did in bed and whose husband was the best at pleasing them.

But she had no experience herself. What was she supposed to do when Roald opened his door? Should she just lay on his bed and let him take her? Should she try to enjoy it? Should she take this as her chance to be with him, with his wife's approval nonetheless?

Kel quietly knocked on his door, which swung open before she could step back into the shadows, almost as if he had been standing by the door waiting for her.

Roald stepped aside and she slipped under his arm and into his rooms.

She bit her lip anxiously as he led her over to his luxurious bed. The same bed he had lain with the Queen in. All of a sudden the enormity of what she was doing hit her. She was going to have the King and Queen's child. What would she tell her family when they heard rumor that she was with child? What would Shinko do, for it would be rather obvious if she suddenly gave birth with no warning?

How did she ever think she could get away with this deception?

Roald had misinterpreted her hesitancy. "There's no need to be shy, Kel. I'll show you what to do. Just trust me."

Kel couldn't bring herself to tell him about her worries, that her family would be shamed, that she might be disowned, that she didn't think they could hide this secret on their own. His voice was so gentle, so loving, that she let go of her blank mask for one night and allowed herself a chance she thought lost.

* * *

Afterwards she snuck out of his chambers, ignoring his pleas for her to stay the night there and not responding to his mumbled "I love you."

She would not let herself be fooled again. She might be able to be with him as a husband and wife are, and she would give him a child that was half her, but she would not allow herself to love him.

This was a favor for her King and Queen. The man she loved and the friend she cherished. And it would be no more than that. It did not matter that she loved him and he loved her, or that Shinko had given her approval. She would not make the mistake of hoping for more.

Kel knew her place. She was a convenient womb to bear children. She would give Tortal and heir, and after the child was born she would take up her shield again.


End file.
